So you’ve noticed that your little one is not doing things like other little ones around them. Maybe they aren’t using words like other children at the library, or walking like their older sister did. Maybe they don’t want to play with other children at all.
First, I want you to take a deep breath, in and out. Did that? Okay, take another one.
The fact that you are noticing these things and asking questions is great. This is the first step to getting the support you need for you and your child. And, trust me, there is a lot of support available!
Let’s get one thing clear: every child develops at their own pace, and there is a wide range of what is typical. Just because that one kid at playgroup knows his colors and loves to sing doesn’t mean that your child should be doing the same thing. There are a lot of great resources where you can see what’s typical for a child that age. Do a little bit of investigating and make sure you are doing good research! Just please, please, please stay off the message boards! If you must, take everything with a grain of salt.
Here are some good ways to check what typical development looks like:
Ask your pediatrician. Don’t wait! Go ahead and ask your pediatrician to do a developmental screening like the Ages and Stages Questionnaire (ASQ) or the Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers (M-CHAT). These screenings will ask questions about what your child is doing in different areas of development, like how they are getting your attention or playing with others.
Go to a trusted website. Try ones that are research-based, like the CDC’s or Zero to Three’s milestone pages.
Reach out to your state’s early intervention or Child Find programs. They will often know who to refer you to and do a screening if necessary. The people at these programs will ask about what your concerns are, and may do a screening or evaluation like the ones mentioned above.
I don’t want you to freak out until you’ve done one more of those options.
Scratch that. I don’t want you to freak out AT ALL.
Know that you are doing your best as a parent, and asking for help is not only okay, it’s encouraged. Please trust your gut and reach out. Two things will happen: either you’ll be told not to worry and that your baby is on track, or you’re going to start getting the support you need.
Worried about your child’s development or need help getting resources? Know that your baby is delayed and want to get the support you need? Contact us to schedule a free consultation!
I grew up with a mom who loved routines. I had a pretty regular schedule growing up; go to school, go to an after school class like ballet or piano, do my homework, eat dinner, bedtime. I loved my routine! I had lots of friends with similar schedules and planner parents, and really liked knowing where I was going to be during the week.
My husband, on the other hand, had a lot more free time built in to his childhood. He would come home and figure out what that day was going to look like. Maybe it would be homework and playing guitar, hanging out with friends, running errands with his own mother. And he absolutely loved what his days looked like! If you talk to him today, he gushes about the freedom his days had.
And you know what? Both of those routines worked.
Parents hear over and over that young children need routines that are consistent and predictable. And it’s true! Children learn from repetition, so consistency is key. But I’m here to let you in on two little secrets.
Secret #1: There is no perfect routine. None! There is only what works best for you and your family.
If you’re someone who loves making to-do lists and planning things ahead, then you probably wouldn't someone to tell you to “follow your child’s lead” and let them dictate what you're going to do that day.
On the other hand, If you're a more spontaneous, go-with-the-flow type, then you're probably going to hate it if I tell you your child needs the same schedule and activities every day.
Every family is going to have different priorities which are going to shape what day to day life looks like. Different parents face completely different challenges, which is why a one size fits all approach is not going to work. There is no perfect routine. So what to do?
Secret #2: The most important part of a routine is you.The consistency that children need to learn does not have to come from having a schedule; it comes from the way you respond to them.
This is how children know they are safe, explore and learn new things. Think about it:you feel safe if you were around a volatile, unpredictable individual?? What if you didn't know if this person going to yell at you, ignore you, or be nice to you? Constantly having to worry about how your actions are going to be received is stressful!
By responding to your child in a way that is not only predictable, but shows a balance of warmth and demand, they are free to take on challenges. Free to fail. Free to keep learning. Encourage that feeling of safety, of having clear boundaries and consistent responses. That is how you will foster a welcoming learning environment.
Does that feeling of safety come from a schedule? Maybe for some people. But a routine can, and should, look different for every family and child.
Trying to find out what routine is best for you and your family can be hard. Contact us here if you need help figuring out how to be consistent and help your child learn best.
Some of you may have noticed there’s no mention of my kids or my own personal experience as a mother on this site. And you know what, my little investigators? You’re right. I don’t have kids. So why should you trust me to help with you with your own kids? What the heck do I know?!?
I’ve grown up around young children my entire life. I was that cousin who watched over all the other little ones at family get-togethers, setting up games and making sure everyone was all right. I have much younger siblings. They’re 15 and 11 years younger than me, and so I’ve always felt like a second mom to them. Ask my friends! They’re probably sick of hearing me talking about them so often. (Hi Andrea and Brandon!)
I’ve spent all my education and career learning about young children and families. I’m dedicated to you all, and I love what I do. I can’t imagine doing anything else.
And yet, I don’t have kids of my own. I haven’t been through childbirth. I haven’t rocked my own baby to sleep, worried over them when they’re sick, stressed about if that one thing they’re suddenly doing is “normal,” or peeked into their room at night just to watch them sleep peacefully.
And honestly, I think that’s ok! Because I’m not here to tell you how to be a parent. I don’t hold one parenting style above the other. I am here to stand behind you and support you in your relationship with your child. I’ve worked with dozens and dozens of families, from many different backgrounds; I want to use what I’ve learned and what’s I’ve seen to help you and your children develop and learn.
If you’re still uncertain about working with someone who is not a parent, that’s ok too! You should not work with someone who you do not feel comfortable with.
However, I do want to challenge assumptions about someone who works with kids not having any of their own. You never know what the reasons are behind that.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the past year and a half. We’ve been through two miscarriages in that time, and we don’t know what our future looks like. It’s been hard and confusing and scary and frustrating. I don’t know how many more times I can go through those feelings again.
But that does not lessen my love for working with young children and families. It does not lessen how I can support you, grow your knowledge of child development, and strengthen your relationship with both yourself and your family.
And it definitely does not take away from the love and care that I feel for the children and families I work with. I get so much joy doing what I do, and know that not having kids is not going to stop me from doing what I love (and, honestly y’all, doing what I’m really good at!)
So give me a shot! And try not to judge people without children. You don’t know what we may be going through.
What do you think? Would you work with a pediatrician or teacher that does not have kids? Have you ever asked someone when they’re going to have kids and gotten an answer you didn’t expect? Share your thoughts below! And reach out here if you think you’d like to work with me.
You’ve probably heard people say “Parents are the experts on their child” or “You are your child’s best teacher.”
And I bet, while the sentiment was nice, you were annoyed.
I get it! It is annoying to hear that when you just want someone to tell you how to help your child. Why would you have asked for help otherwise? You know that the specialists, whether they be therapists, or teachers, or daycare providers, have answers, so why won’t they just give them to you?!?
You’re not going to like what I have to say. Because the truth of the matter is, you really are the expert on your child.
You are the one who has spent countless days and long nights with them. You know what makes them smile, what silly faces will make them laugh. You know when they need to sleep, what their favorite snacks are, and how to cuddle them in that perfect way. I may have a ton of information and expertise on developmental milestones, but all of it is essentially useless unless we can apply it to you, your child, and your life.
Think about it. If I come to your house, work with your child for an hour, then leave, how will that help? How are they going to continue to grow and develop when I’m not there? It is only when we apply strategies and expertise to your individual needs that children can truly excel.
What can you do to share that knowledge with the "professionals"?
Take note of specific times when things are challenging. Examples are awesome, and so helpful. By sharing specifics, the person you are working with will have more information about things that are hard and things that should be a priority.
And when things go well! Good examples are even better! That is how we learn what is motivating and will interest you and your child.
Tell them what you have already tried, and what works for your routine. Don't be afraid to speak up. If you are getting suggestions that you have already done with little to no success, or if you know its just not something you are going to do, then say it. I don't want you to get frustrated and feel like you are wasting your time with things you know won't work.
So take pride in your expertise, y’all! And don’t let anyone tell you they know best.
Share your expertise on you little one! What makes your child unique and special?Tell us below or write it down in your journal.
Interested in learning strategies to help your child that are based on your incredible knowledge, you amazing human, you? Contact me for a free initial consult. I’d love to work together.
Welcome to the Nudge and Cradle journal, we’re so glad you’re here!
And that’s not just a tagline, I really am so happy that you’ve come to learn and hang out.
I’ll be using this space to share some of what I’ve learned while helping children and families of all backgrounds.
My intent is never to tell you what to do. I believe that everyone has their own unique background that shapes how you interact, not only with your children, but with everyone around you. I want to empower you to use what you already know and help you do better.
But first, why “Nudge and Cradle”? Where does the name come from?
Did I just like the sound of those words? A little bit.
The words nudge and cradle together have some serious thought and meaning put into them. I believe that when working with any child, regardless of abilities, background, behaviors, or anything you can think of, we need to be focusing on building strong, loving relationships. And I’ve learned from some very wise women that we do this by finding a balance between warmth and demand. I truly believe it is the backbone of how young children learn.
Think back to being in elementary school… Was there a class that you had that was just so, so easy for everyone, that it was maybe a tiny bit boring? And eventually the kids started acting wild? The fact of the matter is, when kids get bored, they start pushing limits. They will find ways to entertain themselves, and those ways may not be particularly fruitful.
But you probably remember another class, one where the teacher made challenging subjects interesting and fun.. One where you were excited to go, because you wanted to learn. That’s the sweet spot. That’s where children (and honestly, adults too!) learn and thrive.
Sounds easy, right? Wrong. So wrong. It can be very hard to find that balance between warmth and demand not only with children, but with any relationship we are in.
Well, I couldn’t just call this new endeavor warmth and demand!
But I did want to make sure everyone understood how important this balance is. So nudge and cradle it is, and I love it. I am here to help you nudge your little one (and maybe yourself) along, while cradling and enveloping them (and definitely yourself) with love and care.
I invite you to take a few minutes to reflect on how you are living warmth and demand in your life and with the kids in your life. How do you start building that relationship? Feel free to journal about this, talk about it with your partner or a friend, or comment below!
I really am glad you’re here.
If you would like to delve into this idea further, or would like help with how to find that balance of warmth and demand for you and your family, feel free to contact me for an initial (free!) consultation.
